Monday, October 28, 2013

Wet Wipes and Bananas in a Hot Squishy Car

     I hope that title makes you want to barf as much as it makes me want to! When I was younger, we would always take these ridiculously long and squishy car rides with 9 smelly people crammed in a little space. To keep us happy and clean, my dear mother would always pack snacks that she thought would keep us happy and keep us from killing each other. Among these snacks, she would always pack fresh bananas and wet wipes to clean us off afterwards.
     It wasn't bad enough that they were just nasty in the car, I also had to have really bad motion sickness when I was younger (which persisted until I was 21). A combination of motion sickness, hot smelly car, and weird smells definitely made me lose it a couple of times. I distinctly remember having to have a barf bag which was used on more than one occasion. Yeah. nasty barf smell didn't help either.
     Because of these memorable car rides, several foods and smells have permanently been ruined for me including fruit snacks, winterfresh gum, warm bananas (normally those are ok), the smells of  wet wipes, coffee, gasoline, and rubber. GROSS!!!

Yes, these things still make me nauseated when I see/smell/eat/think about them. It was that bad.

Do you have any foods or smells that have been ruined for you? Why?

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Eeriel with Ariel and Auriel

     You've all heard of Ariel (The Little Mermaid), but little did you know that she has two sisters named Auriel, and Eeriel. Or, that's what I played with my sisters when I was a wee little thing. Laura and Anna were always Ariel or Aurel because those were beautiful names.....and I was Eeriel. What's in a name anyway, right? Wrong! Did you know that everything in the world depends on what your name is? Let me just tell you that things did not go well for Eeriel. . .
     Just to clarify, this game was only played when we were all very young and took baths together. As we sat on the edge of the tub (the wall of the castle), we would chant some cute little rhyme about how the Prince would come to rescue us, but one of us would always fall off and die before he got there. Yup. You guessed it. It was Eeriel. I never got rescued by the Prince. Lame. No wonder I'm not married yet.
     Also, we would play "backwash". Yeah. . . that's right. Laura (who always sat in the front in the deep end of the tub) would get a mouthful of water, swish it around for a while, then spit it into Anna's mouth, who would then swish it and spit it into my mouth. I think I was then supposed to swallow the water, but I might have spit it out. I can't remember. BUT . . . I would just like to point out that after having water spit into my mouth, other things put into my mouth, and being forced to eat soap because I was led to believe that it was a candy bar (more than once, might I add), that MY immune system ROCKS!!!! And Anna and Laura are WIMPS! TAKE THAT, ARIEL AND AURIEL! EERIEL STANDS SUPREME!!! You'll be too weak to hold onto that castle wall and someday, you will fall off before me and then I'll finally get the Prince to rescue me!!! Woo-hoo!!!
The End.

What unsanitary things did you do with your siblings when you were younger? Or that you still do even though you know better?

Sunday, October 20, 2013

On a Date with The Rolling Turd

The Rolling Turd. If you don't know what it is, the name says it all. I wish I had a picture to post of this one-of-a-kind car, but I'm pretty sure it broke all of the cameras we tried to use. Just try to picture this, ok? A super de duper old white (sorta) Dodge Spirit, paint peeling, rust forming, heard from a mile and a half away, random backfires, and it rattles like it's going to come apart any second.

The real advantage to having this car was that we could hear our parents coming home from a mile away, so we had time to turn off the TV and pretend like we were doing our chores the whole time they were gone. (They never knew....actually they did....I'm a really bad liar). I thought I was pretty sneaky though.

Just imagine my joy, when as a young, innocent 17-year-old girl, I had to take this car to drive my Preference date. Where this is the Girl's choice version of Prom, and everybody is fancy, just imagine how classy I felt rolling up to the dance in this piece of turd.

Just to get a better picture of this awful car, come back with me to when this car was my only source of transportation. I would be driving down the road, and it backfired and died. I would be turning left in the middle of a busy intersection, and it backfired and died. I would be crossing the train tracks, and it backfired and died. Are you sensing a pattern yet? Would this happen every time? No. Did it happen on my date? Of course. Not only did it backfire and die several times on the date, it always took several tries to start the car and my date turned to me while I was driving and asked if the car was going to break because it was rattling so loudly. How mortifying.

Although I really am grateful for all of the adventures caused by that thing (otherwise I would have had to walk everywhere), the point of this story is that kids these days have no idea how lucky they are to drive cars that work, look not like a piece of turd, have a stereo, and don't constantly put them in life threatening situations with their dates. The end.

Did you ever have to drive a car that you were embarrassed to drive or put you in danger by its quirkiness?