Monday, October 28, 2013

Wet Wipes and Bananas in a Hot Squishy Car

     I hope that title makes you want to barf as much as it makes me want to! When I was younger, we would always take these ridiculously long and squishy car rides with 9 smelly people crammed in a little space. To keep us happy and clean, my dear mother would always pack snacks that she thought would keep us happy and keep us from killing each other. Among these snacks, she would always pack fresh bananas and wet wipes to clean us off afterwards.
     It wasn't bad enough that they were just nasty in the car, I also had to have really bad motion sickness when I was younger (which persisted until I was 21). A combination of motion sickness, hot smelly car, and weird smells definitely made me lose it a couple of times. I distinctly remember having to have a barf bag which was used on more than one occasion. Yeah. nasty barf smell didn't help either.
     Because of these memorable car rides, several foods and smells have permanently been ruined for me including fruit snacks, winterfresh gum, warm bananas (normally those are ok), the smells of  wet wipes, coffee, gasoline, and rubber. GROSS!!!

Yes, these things still make me nauseated when I see/smell/eat/think about them. It was that bad.

Do you have any foods or smells that have been ruined for you? Why?

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Eeriel with Ariel and Auriel

     You've all heard of Ariel (The Little Mermaid), but little did you know that she has two sisters named Auriel, and Eeriel. Or, that's what I played with my sisters when I was a wee little thing. Laura and Anna were always Ariel or Aurel because those were beautiful names.....and I was Eeriel. What's in a name anyway, right? Wrong! Did you know that everything in the world depends on what your name is? Let me just tell you that things did not go well for Eeriel. . .
     Just to clarify, this game was only played when we were all very young and took baths together. As we sat on the edge of the tub (the wall of the castle), we would chant some cute little rhyme about how the Prince would come to rescue us, but one of us would always fall off and die before he got there. Yup. You guessed it. It was Eeriel. I never got rescued by the Prince. Lame. No wonder I'm not married yet.
     Also, we would play "backwash". Yeah. . . that's right. Laura (who always sat in the front in the deep end of the tub) would get a mouthful of water, swish it around for a while, then spit it into Anna's mouth, who would then swish it and spit it into my mouth. I think I was then supposed to swallow the water, but I might have spit it out. I can't remember. BUT . . . I would just like to point out that after having water spit into my mouth, other things put into my mouth, and being forced to eat soap because I was led to believe that it was a candy bar (more than once, might I add), that MY immune system ROCKS!!!! And Anna and Laura are WIMPS! TAKE THAT, ARIEL AND AURIEL! EERIEL STANDS SUPREME!!! You'll be too weak to hold onto that castle wall and someday, you will fall off before me and then I'll finally get the Prince to rescue me!!! Woo-hoo!!!
The End.

What unsanitary things did you do with your siblings when you were younger? Or that you still do even though you know better?

Sunday, October 20, 2013

On a Date with The Rolling Turd

The Rolling Turd. If you don't know what it is, the name says it all. I wish I had a picture to post of this one-of-a-kind car, but I'm pretty sure it broke all of the cameras we tried to use. Just try to picture this, ok? A super de duper old white (sorta) Dodge Spirit, paint peeling, rust forming, heard from a mile and a half away, random backfires, and it rattles like it's going to come apart any second.

The real advantage to having this car was that we could hear our parents coming home from a mile away, so we had time to turn off the TV and pretend like we were doing our chores the whole time they were gone. (They never knew....actually they did....I'm a really bad liar). I thought I was pretty sneaky though.

Just imagine my joy, when as a young, innocent 17-year-old girl, I had to take this car to drive my Preference date. Where this is the Girl's choice version of Prom, and everybody is fancy, just imagine how classy I felt rolling up to the dance in this piece of turd.

Just to get a better picture of this awful car, come back with me to when this car was my only source of transportation. I would be driving down the road, and it backfired and died. I would be turning left in the middle of a busy intersection, and it backfired and died. I would be crossing the train tracks, and it backfired and died. Are you sensing a pattern yet? Would this happen every time? No. Did it happen on my date? Of course. Not only did it backfire and die several times on the date, it always took several tries to start the car and my date turned to me while I was driving and asked if the car was going to break because it was rattling so loudly. How mortifying.

Although I really am grateful for all of the adventures caused by that thing (otherwise I would have had to walk everywhere), the point of this story is that kids these days have no idea how lucky they are to drive cars that work, look not like a piece of turd, have a stereo, and don't constantly put them in life threatening situations with their dates. The end.

Did you ever have to drive a car that you were embarrassed to drive or put you in danger by its quirkiness?

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Who are you again?

    When I went to Snow College, I met a guy who was in one of my classes and we ended up walking in the same direction to our next class. I decided that I was going to turn over a new leaf and not be awkward anymore. So, instead of walking by him silently, I thought this would be a good opportunity to start up a friendly conversation since I knew we would be seeing each other in class a lot. We talked for at least 5 minutes and he was really nice and then we separated ways for our different classes. Well, I saw him again in the next couple of days and decided that I would say "hi" to him since we had talked before and we were in the same class. Well, he introduced himself to me again which I thought was strange, but brushed it off because I thought he had just forgotten my name. So, we introduced ourselves again and talked for a few minutes. I decided that I had actually made an impression that time so he would remember me and I would not feel awkward next time.
    Well, the next time I met him, same thing happened. So, I introduced myself to him AGAIN . . . and AGAIN,  the next time. Am I up to five times yet? Because that is literally how many times I introduced myself to him and he STILL didn't know who I was. That is when I decided I would not be his friend. And I wasn't. If somebody doesn't remember me (or at least my beautiful face) after FIVE TIMES, then they don't deserve to be my awesome friend.
     That instance was kind of a blow to my self-confidence, but as a few years has passed, I have come to the realization that I just have one of those faces. Usually, when you first meet somebody, you might forget their name the next time you see them, but you can always remember their face. Not the case with me. This same instance has happened to me many many many times. Even my current roommates are flabbergasted at the stupidity of people who don't remember me.
      I just have one of those faces, I guess.  The face everybody just doesn't remember. I have been in the same college student apartment for almost a year, and of course, every semester, people move in and out and we have new ward members (Oh, P.S. I am LDS/Mormon if you haven't figured that out yet. . . ). So, it is super fun to be in this ward with lots of people and fun activities to help us make friends. (Which I definitely need because I am a HORRIBLE friend-maker) Anywho, I swear, every single time there is an activity or we go to church, I will introduce myself to one new person and then I'll say Hi to them and talk to them when I see them in different places. Friendly, right? Apparently, people just never remember meeting me. Inevitably, every single time they will introduce themselves back to me because they just don't remember meeting me ever.
    So, even though it is super awkward when I remember somebody and they have absolutely no recollection of ever meeting me, I have decided that it is a good thing that I'm not so ugly that they can't forget my face. Have you ever noticed that? You really really remember the faces of people that are so gorgeous they should be on the cover of a magazine or you can't erase the face of somebody who is so ugly they should be Nanny McPhee? At least that's not me.

So, question of the day. What do you do to help people remember who you are?

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Washing Windows

So, I've decided that this is me. Not only do I dig the librarian eye-glasses and curlers in her hair, but being the speshul person that I am, I have come to realize that I have a bit of a self-righteous air that I detest in myself.  I find it a little bit ridiculous how much I unintentionally judge people or criticize them without really understanding them. Of course, I deny it because I don't want to be the "judgy" one, but unfortunately, I am. I find myself basing my relationships with other people off of my first impression of them. Bad form!! Well, this past week, my windows have been washed, and I have felt like a fool and now have a completely new perspective. So, here's to fresh starts and non-judgementalness!!

What have you done to change negative qualities about yourself?

Friday, August 23, 2013

Budgeting Tips!!!

To go along with my previous post, here are some tips I have used to help me stay out of debt!!

When you first get paid, set aside the required amount for different payments in this order

1. Tithing - it is a commandment to pay 10% to the Lord. I'm not crazy for doing this. Just try it, and test out his promise in Malachi 3:8

2. Savings - so you can always have a little extra during the hard times. I grew up with always having a 20 dollar bill in cash with me and putting 50% into my savings. But, since I'm grown up now, 50% isn't really that doable, especially since I'm not super wealthy. . . but do what you can. 10% or 20% or something. Just be consistent!!

3. House/Rent - it is probably best if you pay this first so you can have a place to live

4. Utilities - let's just be honest. It isn't fun to live without electricity or anything like that

5. Car payment/insurance - Even though you have a regular payment/bill, you can also save money by taking other methods of transportation (bike, bus, walking, carpooling, etc. ) and not buying gas all the time.

6. Any other bills you might have - credit cards (P.S. Don't buy stuff on a credit card if you don't already have the money to pay for it!!! Stupid idea. Just use your card to build credit, not destroy it.)

7. Depending on how many people you have to provide for, set the rest aside for food/entertainment/more savings/rainy day fund. Save money on food costs and don't eat out. There are plenty of quick ways to make food without having the blown up price of eating out.


That's pretty much it. I hope it helps. Do you have any nifty tricks up your sleeve to help you budget or save money?

How I went into debt before the age of 10 . . .

Don't you love pay day? It's pretty much one of the best day(s) of the month! But, you definitely have to budget your money so you don't go into debt. Even though pay day is great now, it was always one of my most dreaded days of the month growing up. We were lucky enough to have chores and allowance.

I was always so angry about my chores because I had a whole entire list, and none of my friends had any chores at all, and if they did, it wasn’t consistent or hard. I still remember what our first Job Chart was: say your prayers, bed, get dressed, put your PJ’s away, hair, teeth, extra-job room, practice the piano, put your dishes away, and finally, after all of that, we could mark the chart that we had done it.
Ok, so I know that I'm lame to complain about it, cause I could really do that in 30 minutes. But, our chore list got longer and harder as we got older. Our summer chore list consisted of that previous list, plus more piano practicing (a whole entire hour!!!), cleaning our bedrooms every single day, another extra job (i.e. cleaning the gutters, mowing the lawn, organizing the pantry, etc), a service to somebody in the neighborhood, weeding the garden or doing other yard work, reading for at least 30 minutes, writing in our journals every day, doing summer workbooks, reading the scriptures, and exercising. A lot of times we would visit the old ladies in our neighborhood for our act of service, mostly because they gave us treats when we went by.
It took us a minimum of 3 hours to complete our summer chores (which is super long when you are a child!). It was so frustrating to be tied to your chores when you just wanted to play, because in our family it was against the rules to play before ALL of your jobs were finished. (maybe that's why I didn't have very many friends....I didn't do my is all making sense now)

At the end of the month, my dad would dig out his blue box (no, it isn't Call Box from Doctor Who) and take off the chart from the fridge where we had to prove that we did our jobs. We would get paid according to whether or not we had completed our daily chores. The older we got, the more we got paid. I always dreaded this day because let's just be honest, most of the time I didn't actually do my jobs because I always got stuck on reading for 30 minutes. There was a dark time in life when we actually had to pay Dad one dollar for every day we didn’t do our chores. I’m pretty sure only one out of us seven kids is the only child who didn’t go in debt before the age of 10 and that was definitely not me.
So, moral of the story: Do your chores so you can have friends. Don't go into debt. And be grateful for parents who will take your money when you don't deserve it.
What shenanigans did your parents pull to help you learn the value of hard work and an honest days' wages?

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Count to 100 . . .

So, I am no longer a cashier. YAY! Now, I am a Preschool Aid. Bigger YAY! I work with small children and it takes me back to my carefree days of innocence. In particular, I remembered my first grade class as a 6-year old and how great it was. Little did I know then, that I already had the awkward gene in place just waiting to come out:

In first grade we learned how to count to 100 in groups of 10. How cool is that? It's pretty cool when you're six. For one of the activities, we were required to bring 100 of the same item to help us learn to count. I really wanted to bring M&Ms or cookies or something equally awesome, but like I've posted before, there were seven kids in my family and we were on a budget. So, after talking to my mom, the only thing we could find in groups of 100 were barley pearls. You know, those things you never know what to do with but is in your food storage? Yeah. That.

So, I put my little handful of barley pearls in a Ziploc bag and skipped off to school for our activity. I must not have read the note the teacher sent home or I must have lost it or something because I walked into the room to see all the kids with awesome things on their desks. Somebody had M&Ms (my first choice), another had Oreos (second choice), some kids had baseball cards, licorice, and other assortments of awesome things on their desks.

It was only until the activity started that I realized that we were supposed to trade the things that we brought with the other kids in the class. That way, we had different groups of 10 items to help us count and then we had treats at the end. It was at the tender age of six years old that I knew what utter humiliation was. Obviously, I was that one kid that nobody traded with. I was that little awkward girl sitting at her desk trying to persuade the other kids to trade their baseball cards and oreos for barley pearls. Who wants barley pearls? Who even knows what they are in the first place?!?

Moral of the story. Always read the notes the teacher sends home with you, and always keep a secret stash of deliciousness for such occasions as that.

Do you know what barley pearls are? Do you have a secret junk drawer to keep yourself from being humiliated?

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Awkward Dates- Part 3

So, I will make this my last awkward date story for a while since it is a doozy. First of all, I have to say, blind dates are the WORST idea invented by the stupidest person that existed. Ok, now that is out of my system, here goes:

I was set up on a blind date by somebody I hold very dear and love very much. I haven't had good experiences with blind dates in the past, so I really didn't want to go at all, but I grudgingly agreed as a favor to the said dear person. I was told that he needed a date to a single's dance and he was about 30 years old. Well, at the time, I was 23 and a seven year gap was a lot, but I was willing to give it a shot anyway.

So, on the appointed night, he had to drive for an hour to pick me up, then both of us drove for an hour to the dance and during the car ride I was trying really really hard to have a good attitude and show genuine interest in the conversation.

Rule #1: if you are nice to somebody of the opposite sex, it only proves to them that you actually like them when in reality you don't even want to be there and they are weird and you just feel bad if you are mean and hurt their social-clueless-feelings.

Once we got to the dance, I walked into the building only to see a 70ish year old couple boogying on the dance floor. That is when I realized, that he had taken me to a Single's dance for 30 years and older as opposed to the 30 and under dance I was expecting. It was at this point in time that my heart stopped a little as I realized that this guy was older than I thought.

Rule #2: always find out how old your date is BEFORE somebody sets you up with them.

Turns out, he was 39!!!!!!!!!! That is a 16 YEAR GAP!!!!!!!!!! Holy moly. Super awkward at that point in time. Then throughout the whole dance, people kept coming up to me and saying, "Wow! You look really young to be here!" No duh! I'm WAY to young for this guy! So, not only did I feel super awkward, I felt like people thought I was one of those weirdo people that goes after guys that could be my dad because they have money.

But, he wasn't really super rich because he was a Burger King Manager person with the headquarter people somethingerother. Granted, he was well off because he was pretty up there and he's only had to provide for himself. But, even though I want to marry a rich guy (who doesn't) I know that would never happen especially if he was over the hill!! What the heck. And the really weird part is, he knew exactly how old I was. Blech! I want to throw up a little just thinking about it.

But, I was still trying to be nice and I told him straight up that I was only there to have fun and he took that as evidence that I liked him. (Refer to Rule #1) Oh great. Then, after the dance ended (FINALLY! It only went until about 10:30 because all the old people needed to get to bed), I thought he was going to take me home since I was way done when he unexpectedly stopped at a shopping mall so we could look at the cool stuff in the windows and make a wish in the fountain.

I'm sorry, but I'm not a hopeless romantic. Maybe if I actually liked the guy  then it would have been endearing, but it was just weird. And he kept walking around trying to hold my hand because it was freezing cold outside and my hand "needed to be warmed up." Whatever, I know that was just an excuse to hold my hand.

Rule #3: Always wear something with pockets so things like this won't happen to you!

Anyway, after what felt like forever, he wanted to take me somewhere else and I just told him I was tired and had to get to bed cause I had work in the morning and it was still an hour drive back to my house. The ride home was super weird. He literally pulled out his baby album from the 70s so I could look at his baby pictures on the way home. WHO DOES THAT?!!?  Whatever. It is over and I'm glad. And, although he was super nice, I was taller than him which is NOT ok and he was way too old and awkward for me. Even I couldn't handle all that awkwardness built up inside him from all his years of being at Burger King.

Well, this brings an end to my awkward dating stories for a while. And people wonder why I'm not married yet. . . . Well, here's a thought: Maybe if I had a normal date once in a while, things would be different.

Have you ever unintentionally been on a date with somebody way too old for you? What would you have done in that situation?

Awkward Dates - Part 2

My last post was about a creeper awkward date in high school. My next super super awkward date happened a few years later while I was in college. The Sweethearts dance was coming up and I didn't have a date. So, my sister and her fiancée decided to help me out and set me up with his best friend. I didn't really want to go but they dialed his number and when he answered they said, "Alaina has something to ask you." and chucked the phone at me. There wasn't much else to do without making things super awkward so I asked him if he would go to the dance with me.

I had no idea where he lived, so when I went to pick him up, I brought Anna and Josh who knew where he lived. Well, apparently he moved so I went to the wrong apartment TWICE because Josh couldn't remember which apartment it was. So, that was an awkward way to start out our date. After that, the date was really weird and I was also glad when it was over.

Fast forward less than one year later. My sister is now married and called me to say, "Hey Alaina, do you remember that date I set you up on?" Obviously, who could forget a traumatizing experience like that? "Well, he's engaged another guy........."


Have you ever sent a man to the gay side from a bad date?

Awkward Dates - part 1

So, in relation to my last post, I have decided to reminisce about some of my most awkward dates I've ever had. Just keep in mind that almost all of my dates have been like this, these are only the highlights. I attract awkward dates. Here Goes:

High School. Yes, I know this was quite a while ago, but it has been burned into my memory forever and ever. My date took me to Nickelcade. (Bad date idea. Never do this.) He spent the whole time blowing stuff up with his violent video games which I do not support in any way while I spent my time trying to make that stupid light stop in the goal zone. Well, between all of us on the group date, we won enough tickets to get one of those cheap mood rings for everybody. My date put his one and compared the colors with the paper he received and excitedly said, "Mine says I'm feeling happy and romantic!!" I warily looked at mine and compared it only to have it say that I was miserable and depressed. Eerily accurate. I obviously didn't say that to him...then he took me to KFC for lunch during which he said, "Sorry I didn't shave today, I ran out of time. . . " and then he proceded to pull out of his wallet a card with my name and number, address, and both of my parents names.................Creeper alert......................................

So, I will spare all of the awkward details and only highlight that during the course of our all-day date (which is also a bad idea. I HATE dates that last more than a couple of hours) he spilled water on me at the restaurant permanently staining my silk dress, stepped on my toes, and stepped on my dress which almost made it fall down, plus many more small awkward moments. The date finally ended and I was so so relieved to have to never speak to him again until the next day at school. I forgot he was in one of my classes and then at the beginning of class, he stood in the front of the class and talked for FIVE minutes about how great I was and how awesome our date was and blah blah blah blah.

Needless to say, I was very embarrassed at this and my face turned beet red while everybody else in the class was literally turning around in their seats to stare at me. It was like the most awkward movie you've ever watched, except real. It was awful!!

Well, the next year at school he was arrested as a sex offender. The rumor was that he had molested his sister. I don't know how much of that rumor was true, but going on dates with a registered sex offender is a bad idea.

Have you ever been on a date with a registered creeper?

Saturday, July 13, 2013

OoooOooo....a phone number from a hot guy!

So, I am a cashier at a local grocery store. I know. Pretty glamourous, right? Well, earlier this week, a really super attractive guy came through my line and he seemed pretty nice as I was talking to him. We both found out that we are students and he works as a real estate person. Just as I was finishing his order, and before he left, he reached in his pocket and pulled out a business card and gave it to me.

Being the awkward person I am, I took it and put it in my pocket because I didn't know what else to do with it. Did he give me the business card so I could have his phone number? Or did he give it to me because he thought I would need to buy some real estate?

After talking to a couple of people (both boys and girls), the consensus was that he was just too chicken to ask for my phone number.

So, fast forward to today. He came through my line again at work and he remembered me. So, I started to think that maybe he really did want me to have his number and that maybe he didn't really give his business card to everybody he talked to.  He really is kind of a hottie pants and he was super nice, so after a lot of encouragement from my roommate, I decided to text him.

Needless to say, that went against everything I believe in and was way out of my comfort zone, but I gritted my teeth and sent a simple "hey, remember me? How are you?" message to him, hoping that he wouldn't think I'm a crazy. My heart was literally pounding in my chest! (Ask my roommate, she can attest to my "freaking out" state of being).

Anyway, I will spare the gory details, but after a couple of forced texts, I came to realize that he really did give me his business card for business purposes and it was not a subtle way for him to give me his phone number.

...............................................awkward..............................................a lot.....................................

But, that's ok. Moral of the story: it was brave of me to take initiative. And it was super awkward and funny. The end.

Now that you know my story, what would you have done in my situation?

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Everybody is "Special"

When people tell me I'm special, I know what they really mean. I used to think that it meant I was unique and extraordinary, and I guess it can still mean that, but in a completely different way. Now, when people say, "you are special," I know that they really mean, "you are speshul."

In my defense, I am speshul because I grew up as the middle child of seven kids . . . that should explain enough, but for those of you who don't know what it's like to be part of a large family, allow me to enlighten you.

My childhood nights were filled with terror because I was convinced that the Boogie-Man lived in my basement. It didn't help that after watching Ernest Scared Stupid, my older siblings and cousins squeezed ketchup and mustard on their arms and told us the Trolls almost got them. They had run away in a zig-zag because trolls can't change directions very fast. After hearing that, my neighbor ran home away from the trolls, zig-zagging his way across our yards. We laugh about that now, but seriously, I almost wet myself because I was so scared. Although my older siblings loved to scare us, we always had so much fun together!

Growing up with creative siblings was so much fun. We were that family. Every neighborhood has one, and in my neighborhood, that was us. The one with the kids everywhere, reeking havoc, running around the street in dress-up clothes gathering acorns and flowers for our witch potions which we would then crush up and pretend to eat.

In creating this blog, I will use my experiences and observations to help everybody realize that they are speshul too. Everybody is unique and their experiences are what make them who they are. Throughout my life and experiences, I have come to realize that there is nobody too cool in this world to be quirky and awkward. So, hopefully, through my experiences you can feel relieved that maybe you aren't as weird as you might think.

So, embrace those awkward moments that are guaranteed to come your way as you let your speshul side out!