Sunday, August 18, 2013

Awkward Dates- Part 3

So, I will make this my last awkward date story for a while since it is a doozy. First of all, I have to say, blind dates are the WORST idea invented by the stupidest person that existed. Ok, now that is out of my system, here goes:

I was set up on a blind date by somebody I hold very dear and love very much. I haven't had good experiences with blind dates in the past, so I really didn't want to go at all, but I grudgingly agreed as a favor to the said dear person. I was told that he needed a date to a single's dance and he was about 30 years old. Well, at the time, I was 23 and a seven year gap was a lot, but I was willing to give it a shot anyway.

So, on the appointed night, he had to drive for an hour to pick me up, then both of us drove for an hour to the dance and during the car ride I was trying really really hard to have a good attitude and show genuine interest in the conversation.

Rule #1: if you are nice to somebody of the opposite sex, it only proves to them that you actually like them when in reality you don't even want to be there and they are weird and you just feel bad if you are mean and hurt their social-clueless-feelings.

Once we got to the dance, I walked into the building only to see a 70ish year old couple boogying on the dance floor. That is when I realized, that he had taken me to a Single's dance for 30 years and older as opposed to the 30 and under dance I was expecting. It was at this point in time that my heart stopped a little as I realized that this guy was older than I thought.

Rule #2: always find out how old your date is BEFORE somebody sets you up with them.

Turns out, he was 39!!!!!!!!!! That is a 16 YEAR GAP!!!!!!!!!! Holy moly. Super awkward at that point in time. Then throughout the whole dance, people kept coming up to me and saying, "Wow! You look really young to be here!" No duh! I'm WAY to young for this guy! So, not only did I feel super awkward, I felt like people thought I was one of those weirdo people that goes after guys that could be my dad because they have money.

But, he wasn't really super rich because he was a Burger King Manager person with the headquarter people somethingerother. Granted, he was well off because he was pretty up there and he's only had to provide for himself. But, even though I want to marry a rich guy (who doesn't) I know that would never happen especially if he was over the hill!! What the heck. And the really weird part is, he knew exactly how old I was. Blech! I want to throw up a little just thinking about it.

But, I was still trying to be nice and I told him straight up that I was only there to have fun and he took that as evidence that I liked him. (Refer to Rule #1) Oh great. Then, after the dance ended (FINALLY! It only went until about 10:30 because all the old people needed to get to bed), I thought he was going to take me home since I was way done when he unexpectedly stopped at a shopping mall so we could look at the cool stuff in the windows and make a wish in the fountain.

I'm sorry, but I'm not a hopeless romantic. Maybe if I actually liked the guy  then it would have been endearing, but it was just weird. And he kept walking around trying to hold my hand because it was freezing cold outside and my hand "needed to be warmed up." Whatever, I know that was just an excuse to hold my hand.

Rule #3: Always wear something with pockets so things like this won't happen to you!

Anyway, after what felt like forever, he wanted to take me somewhere else and I just told him I was tired and had to get to bed cause I had work in the morning and it was still an hour drive back to my house. The ride home was super weird. He literally pulled out his baby album from the 70s so I could look at his baby pictures on the way home. WHO DOES THAT?!!?  Whatever. It is over and I'm glad. And, although he was super nice, I was taller than him which is NOT ok and he was way too old and awkward for me. Even I couldn't handle all that awkwardness built up inside him from all his years of being at Burger King.

Well, this brings an end to my awkward dating stories for a while. And people wonder why I'm not married yet. . . . Well, here's a thought: Maybe if I had a normal date once in a while, things would be different.

Have you ever unintentionally been on a date with somebody way too old for you? What would you have done in that situation?


  1. yeeps ... just move out to Oregon so I can have you meet a friend and THEN you can go on a date ... Never been on a blind date and boy am I glad!

    1. You are super lucky to have never been on a blind date. I guess people thought you could do it by yourself :D

    2. Or they liked their friends too much to try and saddle them with me ...

  2. You beat me! It wasn't a blind date, it was someone I met while studying for finals in the library, but I ended up going on a date with a 33-year-old when I was 19. 14 year gap!!! And I was only a freaking teenager! Ick. In his defense, though, he didn't know how old I was, either (he thought I was in my mid-twenties, which I find amusing since most people think I'm much younger than I am), and when he found out about the age difference he got really quiet, then said that he enjoyed spending time with me, but he totally understood if I didn't want to go out with him again and that he would leave it up to me whether or not I wanted to call him. I didn't, but at least he wasn't completely socially clueless like some!! He was really sweet about it :)

    1. I'm glad your experience wasn't quite as traumatizing as mine and that your date was not socially clueless. :D

  3. Maybe you're just too young for your infinite wisdom. (No duh!) Lessons learned: from now on I will always make sure I wear something with pockets, know how old Kirk is before we go on a date, and be as mean as possible. Thank you, wise one, for imparting your knowledge.

    1. I'm happy to impart my "infinite wisdom" to you anytime. Haha. But, I should definitely clarify that these rules really only apply to blind dates. And I should add a fourth rule. Ready? RULE #4: Never go on a blind date!

      But, I think you're good since you already know your hubby.